We’re living in a city where the sirens are just a little bit louder
Hearts feel just a bit heavier
And the world spins seemingly just a bit faster
No longer smiling.
He doesn’t have a smell
Like all the others
And so I can only remember him
Through the places we’ve seen
A wiff paralyzed
Thus fewer occasions to accidentally be reminded
I don’t know if it was planned
But it hurts
With an amputated scent.
He sat her down
Elevated his voice
Maybe we don’t get another shot
Maybe we don’t get another universe
Maybe this is all we get
And I’ll be damned if we don’t make the most of it
It was the curtain fall on stupidity
Yet after that day, they never spoke again.
Three years together, this blog and I, that’s what we’re celebrating today. A big thank you to every single one of you. In my upside down world, you bring me joy, you bring me courage. You are why I keep on writing.
All my love, be it heartbroken or whole,
I’ll always smile at you
I don’t know if that’s comforting
But I thought you should know
I am hurt
And it is self-inflicted
Although it took me a while to realize
My harshness was rash
Yet I couldn’t bottle it up
I hope you can see past
The words spat, the anger cascade
The upside down world I left you in
For I’ll always smile at you
I will always smile at you.
Whether it’s all the yeses
Or all the nos
I really don’t mind
It’s the maybes
That kill me
Ever so slowly
I wish I could capture the way he looks at you
I wish you could see what I see
And I wish you could see what he sees
Most of all I wish you could feel all the love his eyes are bathing in when he looks at you
I’ve never been the one to believe in beauty
But there is nothing more beautiful between you
Impossible to destroy.
And so we say goodbye
To the one that was left
Now there are no others
With no living proof of the past
Yet every memory
To the only life
In the hearts
Of those still here.
“And as time passes, you forget.”
The silence of words just spoken filled the empty spaces of the room we sat in. I had to let it sink in. I didn’t want to forget yet I didn’t want to remember either. The painstaking duality played evil tricks on my mind constantly, although I have to admit, the forgetting had the upper hand as I grew older. Perhaps it was purely physical, a bodily phenomenon, Alzheimer’s light or whatever they called it. To compensate, my mind actively sought out memories and pushed me in certain directions. But I did forget and I had forgotten, especially the big things. The little things were harder. All of sudden, in the middle of a phone conversation on a busy street, the passing of a taxi would cause the greatest flashback. I would abruptly drop my phone and stand completely still, outsiders probably wondering what the hell I was doing, not to mention the person on the other line. It was those moments, that flock of memories, which never seemed to be forgotten.
I believe it’s called the psychophysiology of trauma. The body remembers. It’s quite fascinating. And so, even though my memory might be failing me as time passes, my body holds the memories, which in a sense, however tragic, is comforting.
“Yes, you forget,” I replied, smiling, knowing that to me, you’ll always be here, somehow, somewhere, no matter how old I grow.