The past

I miss you
Physically
Mentally
Spiritually
I sometimes stare at the sky
Wondering if you see me

Life is different now
Quiet
Subdued
Uneasy
I sometimes stare at the ground
Wondering if you feel me

I’m quite lost
Uncertain
Sorrowful
Hurting
I sometimes think of what you did
Fearing I might do the same.

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An inner dialogue

She tells herself
She only needs to make it through the day
But how do you let time flow
Each hour at a time
When a minute
Measured by each second
Feels infinite
Each tick-tock
Induces more pain
And the clock
Seemingly works backwards
Though the hours ease
Each minute enforces
What is no longer present
So what do you tell her
When a second seems eternal
And her day
Reaches no end.

You don’t belong

I know I don’t own you
That you don’t belong to me
I can’t chain you down
I wouldn’t want to
Anyway

But it’s your slipping out of reach
Which makes me want to tighten
A rope around your heart
Impossible to breach
Somehow

I would never do such a thing of course
Your soul is destined to be free
Your heart caged only by ribs
Yet I say this with remorse
Every day.

A life without

I have conversations in my head
Go through the details of what’s been said
Each fragment analyzed
I’m being penalized

I pick your thoughts
Each and every part
Go through the action
Interpret, replace, sanction

I assume what has been felt
Long before a card has been dealt
Plan my feelings accordingly
To avoid destroying the extraordinary

I blame myself for letting go
For cutting the rope
But my head couldn’t think
I was drowning, no longer in synch

I hope you can forgive
To continue on, to live
A life without me
I promise it’s for the best, my darling.